The best funny jokes are short, clean and easy to retell, and this page has 160 of them: corny puns, one-liners, knock knocks, anti-jokes and story jokes for kids, teens, adults and grandparents.
A good joke is a tiny gift: ten seconds long, free and reusable. These funny jokes are sorted by type, so you can grab one for dinner, a lunchbox note, a meeting or a text.
Every joke is family-safe, with no put-downs. Some are classics in our own words, and many are new. Tips on telling them, and on kids, wordplay and bedtime, follow the lists.
Key Takeaways
160 clean jokes in 17 groups, from corny puns to story jokes.
Corny jokes run on an obvious pun. The groan is the applause.
Around age 6 or 7, kids begin to understand that words can have more than one meaning, says KidsHealth.
Good delivery is a slow setup, one beat of silence, then the punchline.
Keep humor kind, and keep silly time ahead of the calm part of bedtime.
Table of Contents
Funny Jokes at a Glance: The Funniest Short Jokes
Quick Answer
The best funny jokes are short enough to remember and clean enough to tell anyone. Start with: What did one hat say to the other? “You wait here. I’ll go on ahead.” Or try the one-liner: I used to think I was indecisive. Now I am not so sure.
One line of setup, one line of payoff: these work on a six-year-old and a sixty-year-old alike.
What did one hat say to the other? “You wait here. I’ll go on ahead.”
What time do you go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
What do you call a broken can opener? A can’t opener.
Why did the toaster take a day off? It was feeling burnt out.
What is a sheep with no legs called? A cloud.
What did one elevator say to the other? “I am coming down with something.”
Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby? She was a little hoarse.
What is a centipede crossed with a parrot? A walkie-talkie.
Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencil-vania.
Why did the kid toss butter out the window? To see a butterfly.
Why did the umbrella stay home? It was feeling under the weather.
What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hi, bud.”
What did the snail say on the turtle’s back? “Wheeee!”
I forgot my boomerang joke. Wait, it is coming back to me.
Want one kind of joke? Each of these Betteroo pages goes deep on a single type.
Corny jokes, or cheesy jokes to some families, run on a pun so obvious that the listener groans anyway. The groan is the applause.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for school? “Bison.”
Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It is tearable.
What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing. They fast.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milkshake.
What did the duck say when it bought lip balm? “Put it on my bill.”
What did the fisherman say to the magician? “Pick a cod, any cod.”
Why do hummingbirds hum? They forgot the words.
Why did the gym close down? It just did not work out.
My rubber band joke is a bit of a stretch.
I know a blanket fort joke, but it is an inside joke.
Why did the cheesy joke get hired at the pizza shop? It was great at delivery.
What do you call a couch that tells jokes? A sit-down comedian.
How can you tell a joke is truly corny? Even the dinner rolls roll their eyes.
Why did the joke start lifting weights? It wanted a stronger punchline.
Why did the cheddar get the biggest laugh? Its jokes were extra sharp.
Clean Jokes for Adults and for Work
Clean jokes for adults. Grown-up humor without grown-up themes: laundry, coffee and being tired. Mayo Clinic says the physical effects of laughter can help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.
I told my suitcases we are skipping vacation this year. Now I have emotional baggage.
I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I will tell you which comes first.
What kind of tea is the hardest to swallow? Reality.
I am so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.
Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried to fold a fitted sheet.
What does a coffee bean call Monday? The daily grind.
I asked my GPS for the fastest route to a quiet evening. It said, “Recalculating.”
Our new sleep schedule is called “whenever the baby agrees.”
My bedtime? About three hours after I fall asleep on the couch.
My laundry basket and I have a deal. I empty it, and it refills by Thursday.
Work and office jokes. Joke about the printer, never about a person. These are safe for a team chat.
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
I was let go from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Why did the stapler get promoted? It held the whole team together.
“This could have been an email,” said the meeting. “This could have been nothing,” said the email.
What kind of music does the office printer play? Paper jams.
Why did the office chair get a raise? It always had the staff’s back.
How does the office plant feel about Monday? It is rooting for Friday.
What did the keyboard say at lunch? “I need some space, and then I will return.”
My office workout is simple: running late and jumping to conclusions.
Funny One-Liners and Puns
One-liners. No question, no waiting. Say it flat, like plain fact.
The shovel was a truly ground-breaking invention.
I used to think I was indecisive. Now I am not so sure.
I ate a clock once. It was very time-consuming.
A book fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
I wondered why the ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I just got a universal remote. This changes everything.
I keep a diary for my socks. Half the entries are missing.
I told my calendar I needed more free time. It gave me a blank look.
I put my keys somewhere safe. So safe that even I cannot find them.
I asked the mirror for honest feedback. It said it would reflect on it.
Puns. A pun swaps in a word that sounds the same but means something else. Lean on that word a little.
Becoming a vegetarian was a big missed steak.
Bakers share recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
Dry erase boards are remarkable.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
The broom entered the baking contest and swept every category.
The thermostat and I disagree, but only by a few degrees.
The quilt told a story that had everyone in stitches.
The teapot gave a moving speech. It really poured its heart out.
The kite had a wonderful day. Everything was looking up.
Big days go better with a good night of sleep.
Got a little one at home too? Our free two-minute quiz builds a gentle, personalized sleep plan for babies and toddlers.
Funny jokes for kids. Easy to picture, for roughly ages 5 to 10. For other ages, see the table above.
Where do astronauts keep their sandwiches? In a launch box.
What do clouds wear under their raincoats? Thunderwear.
What do you call a shoe made from a banana? A slipper.
What do you call a bee that cannot make up its mind? A maybe.
Why did the kid take a ruler to bed? To see how long she slept.
What did the mitten say to the thumb? “You get your own room.”
Why does the puddle get invited to every party? It always makes a splash.
Why did the crayons stop talking? They all drew a blank.
Why are sheep such good bedtime helpers? You can always count on them.
What did the left sock say to the right sock? “See you after the wash. Maybe.”
Knock knock jokes. The fixed back-and-forth gives a new joke teller a script. Let your child do the knocking.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broccoli. Broccoli who? Broccoli does not have a last name, silly.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pasta. Pasta who? Pasta salt, please. Dinner is getting cold.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kanga. Kanga who? Actually, it is kangaroo.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? I did not know you could yodel!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Isabel. Isabel who? Isabel working? I had to knock.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tuck. Tuck who? Tuck you long enough to answer!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask. It is a long story.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Moose. Moose who? Moose be nice to have a doorbell.
Animal Jokes and Food Jokes
Animal jokes. The most reliable category for mixed ages. Do the voices.
What do you call an elephant that does not matter? Irrelephant.
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meow-ntain.
What do you call a bear caught in the rain? A drizzly bear.
Where do sheep get their hair cut? At the baa-baa shop.
Why did the koala get the job? It had all the koala-fications.
Why did the duck go to bed early? To be up at the quack of dawn.
Why does the hedgehog win every debate? It makes all the good points.
What did the snail say after a long day? “Good thing I am already home.”
What did the turtle tell the delivery driver? “No rush.”
What does a kangaroo read at bedtime? A pocket book.
Food jokes. For the dinner table, the lunchbox and whoever is cooking.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing? Someone put on the salsa.
What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astro-nut.
What did the butter say to the bread? “I am on a roll.”
Why are bananas never lonely? They hang out in bunches.
What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? “Yellow!”
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
Why did the spaghetti go to sleep? It was pasta its bedtime.
Why was the soup so calm? It knew how to simmer down.
What did the rice say to the cook? “Give me twenty minutes, and no peeking.”
What did the ice cube say to the lemonade? “I am just here to chill.”
Science, Math and Tech Jokes, Plus Sports and Music Jokes
Science, math and tech jokes. These reward a listener who knows a little, so older kids love them.
I was going to tell a time-travel joke, but you did not like it.
What is an astronaut’s favorite key on the keyboard? The space bar.
There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who cannot.
Why did the student wear glasses in math class? To improve di-vision.
What is an owl’s favorite kind of math? Owl-gebra.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other? “Sorry, my fault.”
Why did the phone go to bed early? It was down to one percent.
Why did the smart speaker’s jokes fall flat? Its sense of humor was artificial.
What did the browser say at bedtime? “I cannot sleep. I have too many tabs open.”
Sports and music jokes. For the ride to practice and the recital lobby.
Why is a tennis match so loud? The players raise a racket.
Why do basketball players love cookies? They get to dunk them.
Which sport is the quietest? Bowling. You can hear a pin drop.
Why are fish bad at volleyball? They are afraid of the net.
Why was the jump rope benched? It kept skipping practice.
Why is the trampoline team never sad for long? They always bounce back.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Actually, it is more of a wrap.
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
Why did the trumpet get a time-out? It kept tooting its own horn.
Why did the lullaby win the talent show? It put all the judges to sleep.
Jokes for Teens and Jokes for Seniors and Grandparents to Tell
Jokes for teens. Dry and quick. Count an eye roll as a standing ovation.
I told my phone I needed space. It said, “Storage almost full.”
I would tell you a joke about sodium, but Na.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one-molar solution.
Why do mathematicians love the park? All the natural logs.
My alarm clock and I want very different things in life.
Why did the group chat go silent? Somebody typed “homework.”
Which vegetable is always a little bit cool? The rad-ish.
I asked my parents for a say in my bedtime. They said, “Sure. Say goodnight.”
Jokes for seniors and grandparents to tell. Kind, clean, and never at the expense of anyone’s age.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom? “Odor in the court!”
Why do birds fly south for the winter? It is too far to walk.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye, matey.”
Why did Grandma put wheels on her rocking chair? She wanted to rock and roll.
What do you call a person who is happy on Monday morning? Retired.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear? Garden hose.
Why are knitters such good storytellers? They always have a good yarn.
Why is Grandpa so hard to beat at checkers? He jumps at every chance.
What is Grandma’s favorite workout? Lifting grandkids, and everyone’s spirits.
Anti-Jokes, Short Story Jokes and Jokes to Text a Friend
Anti-jokes. The setup promises a pun. The answer is flatly literal. Stay serious.
What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? “Where is my tractor?”
What is green and has wheels? Grass. I made up the part about the wheels.
How can you tell there is an elephant in your refrigerator? The door will not close.
Why does a flamingo stand on one leg? If it lifted both, it would fall over.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? The mail carrier. The mail carrier who? Just the mail carrier. I have a package.
What is the difference between a joke and a nap? I will tell you after my nap.
Short story jokes. Long jokes work best short. Each takes about twenty seconds, so enjoy the build.
A driver pulls up with a car full of penguins. A police officer says, “Take those penguins to the zoo.” Next day: same car, same penguins, now in sunglasses. “I told you to take them to the zoo!” “I did,” says the driver. “Today we are going to the beach.”
A piece of string walks into a diner. “Sorry,” says the server, “we do not serve string.” The string steps outside, ties itself in a loop, messes up its ends and walks back in. “Are you that piece of string?” “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
A boy tells his mom he has a faster way to fall asleep: counting sheep by twos. The next night he is wide awake at ten. “What happened?” “I ran out of sheep, so I went back to say sorry to the ones I skipped.”
Funny jokes to tell friends or text. Short enough to type with one thumb.
Just checking: are we still pretending we will go to bed early tonight?
I asked my dog what two minus two is. He said nothing.
What do you call a nap you take right before bed? Practice.
I am starting a band called Blanket. We only play covers.
Sorry for the late reply. I answered in my head, and it was great.
I was going to send you a joke about procrastinating. Maybe tomorrow.
I checked my step counter today. It asked if I was feeling okay.
How to Tell a Joke Well and Keep It Kind
Most jokes that flop were fine jokes told in a hurry.
Know the last line cold: the punchline must come out word for word.
Slow the setup: say it slower than feels natural.
Hold one beat: a single breath of silence before the payoff.
Keep a straight face: do not laugh first.
Fit the listener: a pun for a seven-year-old, a dry one-liner for a teen, nothing long for a tired room.
Never explain: if it misses, shrug and stop at two or three.
Kind humor has one test: can everyone in the room laugh, including anyone the joke mentions? Mayo Clinic’s advice is direct: do not laugh at the expense of others. KidsHealth tells parents to avoid mean-spirited or off-color jokes, not to laugh at hurtful ones, and to explain why a joke is not funny. Aim at socks, Mondays and printers, not at how a person looks or talks.
Why Kids Love Corny Jokes, and Where Jokes Fit at Dinner and Bedtime
KidsHealth explains that around age 6 or 7, children begin to understand that words can have more than one meaning, so riddles, jokes and puns start to make sense and stay a top source of enjoyment for the next 3 or 4 years. Before that, toddlers find rhymes and nonsense words funny, and preschoolers laugh at things that are out of place.
Vocabulary and memory: wordplay builds vocabulary, KidsHealth notes, and retelling a favorite joke gives memory a workout.
Reading: a Reading Rockets article describes a small study of 46 third graders: those who practiced words with multiple meanings and read and wrote riddles improved more on a reading comprehension test than the comparison group.
Confidence: praise every try, KidsHealth advises, even when the punchline comes out upside down.
Where jokes fit in the day. A joke of the day at dinner is an easy ritual. At night, put the silliness early: the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends a quiet routine before bedtime, such as a bath, a story or soft music, and notes that active play may make a child too excited to sleep. Trade jokes at dinner or in the bath, then shift into your toddler bedtime routine with one of our bedtime stories for kids.
Pick three jokes, learn the last lines by heart and try them at dinner tonight. Keep them clean and kind, and let the kids tell theirs too. When the jokes run out, try our would you rather questions for kids.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are some funny jokes that are clean?
Clean funny jokes are short and built on wordplay, never on a person. Try these three. What did one hat say to the other? You wait here, I’ll go on ahead. What is a sheep with no legs called? A cloud. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby? She was a little hoarse.
What is a corny joke?
A corny joke is a simple, old-fashioned joke built on an obvious pun, the kind that earns a groan and a smile at the same time. Cheesy jokes and dad jokes are close cousins. One example: Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
What is a good short joke to tell friends?
Pick a one-liner that needs no setup, such as: I used to think I was indecisive, now I am not so sure. Or text a quick question joke: What do you call a nap you take right before bed? Practice. Short jokes travel well because nobody has to remember a long story.
What are good clean jokes for work?
Choose jokes about shared office life and never about a person. Two safe ones: What kind of music does the office printer play? Paper jams. How does the office plant feel about Monday? It is rooting for Friday. One joke at the start of a meeting or in a team chat is plenty.
At what age do kids start to understand jokes and puns?
KidsHealth says that around age 6 or 7, children begin to understand that words can have more than one meaning, which is when riddles, jokes and puns start to make sense. Younger children still love humor: toddlers laugh at rhymes and nonsense words, and preschoolers at things that are out of place.
How do you tell a joke well?
Learn the punchline word for word, say the setup slowly, and pause for one beat before the last line. Keep a straight face, do not explain the joke, and stop after two or three. Match the joke to the listener: a pun for a young child, a dry one-liner for a teenager.
Gentle changes, peaceful nights.
Betteroo builds a personalized sleep plan for your baby or toddler. Take the free two-minute quiz to get started.
